GEORGE ST: The Maladjusted Tourist's Guide To How To Behave In Cornwall Part 1

The first thing I should point out is that my name is not George. However, it seems to be the name I blog with, most frequently, if such a term can be used for it, at the aforementioned-on-this-blog Rock Myths
alongside my co-collaborator Virgil (maybe also not his real name). I thank James for his nod in that direction and apologise to the inevitable masses that have been offended by it. Anyway the point of this is to say I think I'll probably just keep George as my moniker, partly for legal reasons, partly due to my own tedious enigma.

So, this post and its successor (Part 2) are meant to be part rant, part instruction manual. I generally feel that most instruction manuals are ordered rants anyway. As a native of these Cornish lands I have grown up with the tourist industry around me. Indeed, I am quite fond of it, if only due to the fact that after a combination of modern machinery and politics our only other industries have been royally badgered in the behind. I even 'read' Tourism Management when I attended a university, albeit once I'd finished it quite frankly I didn't fancy managing any tourists, or tourism. However I'd like to now redress that balance through the proxy of The Blog That Saved The World.

As someone who has had to exist shoulder to shoulder with the tourist folks who visit these shores for around 3 quarters of my lifetime I've come across those who have pleased, nay delighted my senses with their culture, wit, consideration and generosity at the bar. I have also met those to whom I feel indifferent - blurry, inoffensive creatures who dwell on the edge of reality. But the ones who this is targeted towards are different. They stick out, for bad reasons, not necessarily by their own means or mean-heartedness, but as a result of their terminal maladjustment to their surroundings for 2 weeks a year.

So here, at The Blog That Saved The World, is presented

The Maladjusted Tourist's Guide To How To Behave In Cornwall (Part 1 wasn't mean to be more than 1 part but I rambled on so much about the driving)

First up - driving. Now pay attention:

1. Hours of driving - please understand that sadly some of us have to drive quite some way to get to work in the morning on crap on occasion one track roads where we can't overtake or find a quick short cut. I'm also, in common with many others, quite irritable in the mornings, and tired & teasy in the late afternoons. Therefore if you can stay out of our way on the roads between 8am and 10am, and 3pm and 6pm especially those around town centres, ferry crossings and Starbucks outlets, that would be grand. We promise to be nicer outside of those hours if everyone does it.
2. I actually had the very guilty pleasure of driving a Chelsea tractor recently for a long family trip to Wales. It was fun, I can see the attraction. The major drawback? When on the single carriageway which is in many places bumpy with a dodgy camber I struggled to maintain this 4x4 wideboy fully on the left hand side of the road (obviously my driving is perfect). It's also very difficult to go slowly in one, especially when you've become used to hammering at 95 down the outside lane of the M5 & A30. My point is this: Unless you have a valid excuse or are extremely skilled at doing so, the Chelsea tractor is not suitable Cornish holiday transportation, especially when you don't know the roads. Get an Astra, preferably an old one that you don't mind denting a bit as you squeeze through bus-sized gaps on an unmarked road. And make sure you stay off the roads at peak times...
3. Practice Reversing! And, to back up the above point, it's probably easier in a smaller car anyway.
4. Be polite. It's stressful for all of us driving around Cornwall in the summer. But most of us try and find that little bit of kindness inside of us to put our hands up to thank a waiting car or some other generous soul. It spreads positivity, and so road rage incidents are less forthcoming.
5. If you're incapable of driving more than 50 miles an hour definitely stay off the roads at peak times. And all other times. Get the bloody train.

That's Part 1, so I'll step off my high horse for a bit. I'll throw together Part 2 (The community & how to not annoy it and How to ingratiate yourself to local hospitality providers) next week sometime.

Peace

- GST